Imagination what curious thing....It is something I have always used to much of in a bad way. I am well aware of its role with my anxiety issues. I have a very vivid imagination. Just sitting at a stop light I can have the most vivid thoughts. They start normal and end with me having a heart attack and then taken by an ambulance to the hospital. Its amazing how well my mind works against me most of the time. As if is what I tell myself later and if I could slap myself and say "snap out of it " I would!
I was watching some show the other day probably opera...The lady she was interviewing mentioned fear and worry. She said she was once told that it is like a prayer or mantra for all that you don't want. It rung a bell with me! Of course how could it not.
I was recently at my doctors office the other day. We talked about my anxiety issues and how I was coming along with therapy. I told her, very well. She proceeded to remind me that she had a prescription for an antidepressant waiting in the wings for me if I decided I needed it. LOL
I am cool without the mind altering drugs for now.
It amazed me how she just wants to give me a medicine for every ailment...The road I am traveling is by today's standards way less traveled one. I understand this and I know my doctor probably thinks why is she torturing herself when I could just prescribe her medicine.
My thoughts on that are....The struggles in life we face are there for a reason and drugs are like a band aid. It covers the problem but as soon as you stop taking your drug of choice the problem is right there waiting to greet you again and again. I want to walk through the fire (crazy I know) I want to understand my problem inside and out! I want to know why...It takes courage and tons of determination. You have to be willing to go through the fires of hell...I have been there. I have felt empty lifeless and desperate. I have felt that life isn't worth living and I have felt so scared and alone I couldn't even leave my house. I have been a prisoner of my own mind. I have even looked into my own mothers eyes with fear that I was dying...It sure felt like it at times. Just the other day I sat at a stop light in my car and Ben was right beside me as tears fell because just that simple thing waiting at a stop light brought such terror in me. Through the tears and the fear and the worry I have pressed on. I know I will break this issue apart piece by piece until I have learned the lessons intended for me...a blessing in disguise. This life was hand picked by god for my soul; I believe, and the lessons are the gift.
So before I cover my so called issues, and problems with a band aid I might take a second look at what it is really all about for me. The route I have chosen to take is mine and mine alone. The way I feel works for me in my life and for sure isn't for everyone. I just believe anxiety can be cured without meds. Especially once you understand it! SO for anyone who is taking meds for whatever they are dealing with "good for you" I hope they work for you in your life. I think we are better off as a whole for having drugs. I just wish people would be more selective in what they use them for.
So for sure not the easy route and why would I put myself through all that. Well nothing worth having has EVER been easy. The truth is I am worth the effort.
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1 comment:
Great blog! I fall somewhere in the middle on the medication issue. I would never want to be on this and that morning, noon, and night....unless it was proven I had a true imbalance in my chemistry-- then medication would be essential to my survival. Most mentally ill people died before the onset of prescription drugs. I think you are doing the best thing anyone could do w/ extreme anxiety, which is getting to the root of it. Ya, too many times people don't want to face themselves in therapy. hats off to you!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you!
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