Who Are You?

Does anyone ever feel like they keep going and yet they feel like they aren't getting anywhere? I have always felt life is a journey that is meant to be faced head on. Honestly what are our choices? We can make the most with the cards we are dealt and do the best we can or fall into a waste of a life and wine and complain get depressed and eventually loose everything because no one in there right mind wants to be around someone like that no matter how much you love them.
I always told myself if I think I am a fun person and I like being with myself than others wouldn't be able to help but feel the same way about me. I still sorta follow that logic. However the older I get I try more and more not to care so much what others think. I think I have lived way to much of my life caring too much. In the end it truly is wasted time. I know I am no saint and I try not to judge to often even though it is human to think you are better than everyone else at times. We are really all in this together...
I happen to love my life as it is at the moment and realize that the concept of what my life should be and the direction it goes can change at a moments notice. I am open to gods plan for me even though I will try and pave my own way. I am no match for the man above.
Recently I have reached the conclusion that I am pretty rare in my views. I realize that my road of life is going to be a little different than those around me. I see people around me having children in droves and buying the little SUV being the SAHM. I have no desire for that in my life but respect all those around me and there choices. I benefit from being an aunt and from seeing children's sweetness. I however realize we can't all have the same lots in life...We weren't all meant to be moms and dads. We weren't all meant to want to have no kids either. I get joy out of watching the world around me and feel blessed to live in a world so diverse. I feel blessed to live in a world where we can truly take our own path.
I love the freedom my life allots me and I love the ability to really soul search and dig into my soul for a deeper meaning to life than what most people settle for. I do at times feel a little different because I am not your typical woman with a time clock on having a house full of kids and waiting on my husband hand and foot. I prefer a much more simple life and should I decide to go that route at another time in my life it will be there. I am awed at my own choices and where they have gotten me. I never imagined I would be where I am now but then again I really never had planes I just kinda let life carry me and it has served me very well. I try and appreciate what I have daily and continue to realize that at any moment it could all be taken...I have learned to have little attachment in this world. This world is not who I really am and the things in it aren't either. My 5 senses are only good for so much.
I continue to struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. I have come a long way in my understanding of it. I keep pushing forward and still manage to enjoy my life.
The other day and old man at work started a conversation with me by asking "if the questions I am about to ask are to personal then just tell me and I will not ask anymore questions" Me being the person I am I said " that's fine shoot away" He proceeded to ask: "how old am I?" "Do I have any kids? " Do I plan on going back to school?" I answered with: "I am 30 years old" I have no children" I don't know about school I stay open" He asked: " Do you want to do more than just floral designing in life you are a smart person I can tell" He was almost implying that the work I did was beneath me. He then said: "I had this talk with my daughter when she was about 25 you can do anything, you should shoot for the stars and don't just settle" I was kinda offended; however I kept my composure because I try not to judge to soon. I then proceeded to tell him: " I actually already have shooted for the stars and I love floral design" " I co-own a business so I am a business owner I have 2 rental properties one about to be fully paid off and one half way paid off as well as having a nice net worth at age 30. I couldn't be happier and I get to do what I love all day and it is just extra income" That shut him up!
I couldn't believe how rude he was and didn't even realize it....It amazes me how some people are completely unaware of how they come off in social situations. I don't judge him though he just thought he was giving me a pep talk on doing more with my life he just had no idea who he was talking to. I love surprising people and being unassuming. It makes life more fun. People have to figure you out....
I am amazed at what people think is fullfilling and for each and every one of us it is so vastly diffrent. So many things shape us and our concepts. I continue to be open to what this world has yet to reveal to me and even excited.
Today I spent the first half of my day shopping for a few things I desperatly needed. Later Ben and I went to the pool. I so love the water and the calmness it brings. We were the only two at the pool and it was so peaceful. It is those simple times you think you have the whole world figured out.