Saturday Night

So it is Saturday night and well I had to work today from 8-5. Thank god I wasn't to busy at work and being in the funeral business that is a great thing to say. However I do enjoy my job and am lucky in that. Tonight when I got home I was amazed at how negative I was. I have been in therapy now since October and I am working really really hard. I am facing a faceless monster. I mean that it is something that isn't obvious to most people and most people don't "really" understand it. I have battled with anxiety since I was 7 or so and didn't really know what was wrong with me until around 21 or so I am 30 now. I have had therapy for almost everything under the sun and labeled with things looking back that were really never mine to own. I finally after years of searching have found a therapist that is making me face my anxiety problems head on. It is really hard work and to people who have never had severe panic they couldn't possibly understand or even come close to understanding how debilitating it can be. Anyways my homework is very simple to the average person but to me is HUGE! This week however I have had to go to the grocery store and get one item and check out. I have to go every day until my next appointment. Tonight I was tired and there were a few other errands me and my husband needed to run. I did one errand and then proceeded to drive myself back home. I was so negative and I just wanted to give up all together. I am tired of doing things that people take for granted and having to try so hard to just feel sane. Anyway I ended up completing my task and then I did even more tonight. At moments my eyes were starting to fill with tears but I just kept moving. It is draining and sometimes feels like it will never end......but I have hope that I will really be able to be free of my panic attacks and general anxiety about everything. So on a Saturday night when most people are just chillin I was fighting for what is rightfully mine a freedom from anxiety. I did enjoy my night even with all that said. My negative thoughts faded into the background and I am happy, peaceful and content.